Frequently Asked Questions

Grief is a very painful emotion that accompanies loss. It is a process, a specific journey that does not end at a specific time or day, but is deeply personal. Grief is as real as the loss from which it springs, as real as the person we lost. The longing that accompanies loss is overwhelming because grief is the opposite of the love we once had that is now gone.

We think we want to avoid grief, but in reality it is the pain we want to avoid. Grief is a healing process that leads to comfort.

Grief is not just a series of events, stages, or timeline. Society puts enormous pressure on us to get through it, to move through it. How long does a widow grieve for her husband of 50 years? Or the parents of a teenager who dies in an accident? Or their four-year-old child? One year? Five years? Forever? Grief does not end, it follows us throughout our lives, but we learn to live with it.

The five stages (feelings of grief) are part of the process of learning to live without a loved one. They help us understand and frame our feelings at each stage. But they are not in any particular order, and not everyone goes through all five stages (all the feelings). We have gained a greater understanding of the process since the stages were first defined. They were never intended to package up a jumble of emotions into a neat package, but rather to describe the reactions of many people who experience loss. There is no such thing as a typical response, because there is no typical loss. Our grief is as individual as life itself.

Denial is usually the first step in the grieving process. It helps us get over the loss. At this stage, it feels like the world is black and cold and life has no meaning. We become numb and wonder how we are going to continue living. Denial helps us during this difficult time when the only goal is to get through the day. It is, in a nutshell, a person’s resource for coping with and evaluating these difficult circumstances.

These feelings are important; they are the defenses of the soul. We are unable to cope with the emotional turmoil that comes with loss.

If children can love, they are also capable of grieving. Children grieve differently than adults. Their grieving process is often longer than that of adults, as children’s grief intensifies at a new stage of development and at certain milestones such as when they have a birthday, are confirmed, etc. A death in a child’s family often makes them feel different from other children, and a child who loses a close relative often feels even more isolated. It is necessary to pay close attention to children’s grief and monitor them, not just at the beginning. It is also very good to have good cooperation with the school community, sports club, after-school activities, etc.

Support groups and courses for bereaved people are often helpful, including for children. There they meet other children who share their experiences.

Grief is a healing process that helps us cope with loss. The grieving process has no clear beginning or end. We don’t get over the loss of a loved one, but we learn to live with it. Everyone grieves for as long as they need to. At some point, we can remember a loved one without feeling anything.

Well-meaning people often ask a person who is grieving what they can do to help. In deep grief, people are often lost and have no idea what could be helpful. It’s okay to ask, but it’s even better to offer to take on a specific task or just step in and help in some way. If it needs washing the dishes, taking out the trash, cleaning the car – do it. Bring the grieving person a meal, cook something nice and take it to the person. You can offer to pick up the kids, drive them, go shopping, and do a variety of everyday things that will help the grieving person. More ideas can be found here.

Many people believe that children should not attend funerals, either because they believe that it may upset the child or that the child may disrupt the ceremony. The truth is that it is usually a good idea to allow a child to attend a funeral, but there are a few things to keep in mind. A child needs to be prepared for the ceremony, told how the ceremony will be, how long it will be, where the child should sit, and that they will probably cry. It is very good to be allowed to visit the church where a loved one is being buried beforehand. If a child wants to leave after the ceremony has begun, they should respect that. The wish of a child who says they do not want to attend the funeral should also be respected. If the child is old enough, this can be a good way to say goodbye to the person who has died. It is important that the child receives support and has someone to comfort them. You should have someone else there for your child if you don’t feel confident enough to do it yourself. After the funeral, talk to your child about it and get them to tell you about their experience and what it meant to them.