Good advice for grieving people

Grief comes at us like waves. We are fine one moment and completely devastated the next. We have a good day and even a very bad day the next. We can have a month where we feel good and then another month and then we feel bad again. It gets to the point where we feel good for a long time at a time.

When we struggle with grief, it is important to follow the flow of our heart and mind and try our best to simplify our lives, reduce daily stressors, and take one day at a time.

Are you looking for:

• Take good care of yourself, even if you feel bad and it seems pointless.
• Eat well and regularly, despite loss of appetite.
• Get good sleep/rest, despite sleep disturbances and tension.
• Exercise regularly. Exercise and being outdoors have helped many people relieve stress. Get others involved with you, even if you may prefer to be alone.
• Write a diary. Try it, even if you can barely lift a pencil. The diary will help you later, among other things, to see what you have accomplished since the last time.
• Allow yourself to cry. Crying releases tension. It’s okay to cry around others.
• Allow yourself to rejoice. It is not disrespectful to the deceased.
• Seek out connections with others. Social isolation only increases your distress. Do not block people or cut off contact with those closest to you. Doing so will hurt yourself and others.
• No one will respond to your grief perfectly. People, even those you love, may fail you. Many people find it very difficult to face the grief of others and experience the helplessness that comes with it. Friends you expected to be there for you may not be there, and people you barely know may send you condolences. Be prepared to deal with the pain of how others respond to your grief and to forgive them.
• Answer honestly if you are asked about your well-being.
• Don’t use drugs. Drugs delay you from dealing with your feelings.
• Practice seeking support and help. Remember that you are responsible for your own well-being. It is okay to need people and ask for help.
• Facing your grief. It’s better than ignoring it. Don’t hide from your pain. If you do, your grief will be even more painful than it otherwise would be, and you risk having a difficult time ahead.
• Ask the right questions. The question “why?” will come to mind. You will probably never get an answer to that question. It may be more helpful to ask “how?” How can I live my life to the fullest and honor the memory of what I lost? How can I love better and show my affection to others, how can I allow this to change me and grow?
• Give yourself some time to think about the person you lost. Write about him or her, recalling all the good memories and times you had together. It helps.
• Thank yourself for a job well done. Dealing with grief is more than a full-time job.
• Set a goal to make today a better day than yesterday.
• Do what you enjoy and remember that you are still alive.