None of us go through life without experiencing grief. It is a common feeling and a natural response to loss that involves emotional and physical symptoms.
Grief takes on various forms and originates from the fact that hopes and expectations have been dashed and future plans have been disrupted.
People experience grief in different ways related to the following factors:
Type of grief, relationship with the deceased, past experiences, religious beliefs, age and gender of the mourner. Women often express more about grief than men, especially about sadness and fear.
There can be a huge difference in how people feel during grief, and emotional fluctuations can be significant. Strong and previously unknown emotions can create insecurity and anxiety in those grieving, who under these circumstances need the support and care of their environment, friends, family, and coworkers.
Although grief can be very painful, it is an important step towards the healing process that is necessary after a loss. Grief is not an event, but a process that can take a long time. It is part of a healthy life and it needs to find a path that aims to learn to live with the loss. Finding this path can be complicated and take a long time.
Many have found it helpful to seek understanding and support both from professionals and also from those who understand firsthand what they are facing.
Physical changes, similar to physical illnesses, are common during the grieving process and can cause concern for those grieving. Grief is not an illness, but rather the body’s response to grief in this way.
Symptoms such as:
Difficulty breathing, heart palpitations, chest tightness, indigestion, headaches, dizziness, visual disturbances, increased sweating, loss of appetite, crying spells, dry mouth, shortness of breath, weakness, muscle weakness, sensitivity to noise, sleep disturbances, restlessness and irritability are symptoms that many bereaved people experience.
Common side effects of grief include:
lack of concentration, memory loss, fatigue and lack of stamina.
However, it is not possible to completely rule out the possibility of illness, and those grieving should seek medical attention if they believe this is the case.
The grieving process is long and difficult. It has no set time frame and will likely always be a part of the life of the person who has lost a loved one. But by accepting difficult emotions and physical discomfort and not resisting them, the grieving person gains increased strength to cope with the grief. A deceased loved one will always have a place in the hearts of those who are left behind, but it is important to continue on the path and find new connections alongside others as time goes by.
One way to cope with your grief is to have a confidant who is willing to listen and show warmth. People often have a great need to talk about the deceased and various things related to death. In that case, it is good to have a listening ear.
Targeted professional education about grief and grief responses can also be crucial on the path to self-help after a traumatic loss. In this way, the bereaved person gains a further understanding of their well-being, which helps them to come to terms with their feelings and cope with life. It may be necessary and natural to seek help from professionals, such as priests, art therapists, social workers, psychologists or psychiatrists.
Most grieving people have faced the challenge of not knowing how to get through the day and having no faith that their well-being will improve or that they will regain their joy. But gradually, the days tinged with hopelessness and sadness decrease, and mental and physical well-being improves.
Life becomes worth living again. The wounds heal, but the scars of loss remain that the bereaved learn to live with. The longing never goes away, and the memory of the deceased lives on. Shocking and painful experiences can make us more capable of living with love, tolerance, and gratitude as our guiding principles.
For many people, it is helpful to define grief in terms of several different emotions. The order and duration of emotions varies from person to person. Some people experience one emotion more than another, and some people do not experience all of the emotions.
It is normal to experience all of the feelings listed below, and it is important to be able to work through them, deal with reality, and find balance. As time goes by, the grief will lessen and become less painful, but it will never completely go away. We learn to live with it.
Numbness and feelings of unreality
Many bereaved people describe a feeling of numbness and unreality in the first few months after a loss. It is like having your senses pick up on messages in a different way than they are used to. People who are grieving sometimes seem to not hear or understand what is being said. They often become detached and may experience confused thoughts and confusion. Bereaved people often describe their feelings as being “frozen” or “stuck”.
Denial
The grieving person avoids facing the loss and in this way can temporarily limit the pain and distress.
Anger
is one of the most difficult and strong emotions that appears in grieving people and is a normal part of the grieving process.
Anger can take many forms. It can be directed at the bereaved person, the deceased, doctors and nurses, a higher power, or life itself. Anger can be vented by finding a scapegoat. It is important to face the anger and express the feelings that arise. People who keep anger inside can experience both physical and stress-related problems later in life.
Accusation or guilt
are emotions related to anger and can create great distress and stress. Anger often seeks answers to questions such as “Why me?” or “What did I do to deserve this?” Guilt arises when something seems unsaid or oversaid, undone or overdone.
Loneliness and sadness
often appears later in the grieving process, even several months after the loss. The first few weeks are characterized by reactions to the shock; anger, guilt and denial. Then unbearable loneliness and sadness can creep into the life of the bereaved. These feelings can affect daily life. The bereaved person then thinks less about their own health, eats poorly and has difficulty connecting with both other people and their environment. They have neither the initiative nor the strength to seek out relationships. The bereaved person experiences a great void and is sometimes socially isolated, afraid and anxious and does not understand what is happening inside them. A changed role calls for new skills, which may be difficult to acquire during a time of stress. The self-image is also often shaken, when an important part of life changes with the death of a loved one.
Days like birthdays, Christmas, Easter, wedding anniversaries, and other holidays prove difficult when a loved one has passed away.
The longing becomes palpable and the loneliness deep. Holidays are a time for family. Those who have lost a loved one may even wonder how they will get through these days.
Holidays give you a chance to reflect on your past, see where time and circumstances have led you, learn from it, and look ahead. And if nothing else, they remind you that you have come this far, and that in itself is reason enough to celebrate the day.
• When emotions come flooding back, let them come and don’t block them out.
• Express yourself. Tell your family and friends what you are confident in at all times.
• Remember that everything has changed and holidays will not be the same. If you don’t want to keep traditions, then just let them go. Allow yourself to do things your way.
• Plan your days in advance. This way you know what to expect and can prevent stress and even give you a sense of control over the situation. Have a plan A and a plan B.
• You might consider establishing new traditions , such as remembering the person you have lost and honoring them in some way on holidays.
• The family should talk about the deceased at celebrations , tell stories about them, look at pictures, videos, or remember them in other ways.
• Be your own friend, don’t be too hard on yourself.
• It’s okay to postpone celebrations , these days will come again next year. You can decide what’s best for you. You can also change your mind, often if you want. It’s normal to feel like you’ll never enjoy the holidays again. These days will never be the same. But most people find ways to enjoy the holidays again, with new traditions and old ones.
• Don’t do more than you feel comfortable with.
• Let others help you and assist you. We all need support through difficult times.
Grief is normal.
Grief is a natural part of life. We grieve when someone close to us dies. Grief is part of our grieving and adjustment to a new life. Although grief is a natural process, it is one of the most difficult emotions we can experience.
Your sorrow is the worst sorrow.
Our own grief is always the most difficult, whether we lose a spouse, child, parent, or sibling, and no matter how the loss occurred – suddenly or after an illness.
The way out of grief is through it.
Grief is painful. Losing a loved one is one of the most difficult things we can experience, and there is no easy way to move on. We may try to avoid the pain, to get through it as quickly as possible, but that is not possible. We must find the courage to live with the grief.
Grief is closely linked to the relationship with the deceased.
Our relationship with another person is always unique and has a certain value to us. If we want to fully understand our response to grief, we need to understand what our relationship with the deceased was and therefore what it is that we are losing. We grieve for a spouse differently than we do for a child, friend, or parent. The loss of a loved one affects us differently, and therefore we grieve in different ways.
The grieving process is a lot of work.
Grief recovery requires a lot of energy, often much more than people expect. It takes both physical and mental toll.
The grieving process takes a long time.
The first few months are usually very difficult. The first year is difficult – everything reminds us of the loss, for example, the first Christmas, birthdays, the anniversary of a death and many other events. All these days are difficult, but we must look beyond them, know that they are normal and show ourselves compassion. Some call the second year the year of loneliness. It is then that we realize even more that life is and will always be without the deceased.
Grief is unpredictable.
A grieving person goes through a variety of emotions and behaviors. Not only those that are commonly associated with grief, such as sadness or crying, but many of the things they do and think about may be completely different from them. Just when the grieving person thinks they have mastered their grief, something unexpected happens. The only thing that is certain about grief is that it is unpredictable.
Often, another kind of loss must be dealt with.
The death of a spouse can lead to a variety of other changes in a person’s life. Many people lose their financial security, their home, or even their independence. Dreams about the future disappear like dew before the sun, for example, about living happily ever after or spending their senior years together. All of this triggers a grief response.
Grief comes and goes
At first, the bereaved person does not always feel much pain because they are numb and in shock. Often, the pain becomes deeper after a few months. The grieving process can be like a roller coaster ride. One day the bereaved person feels great, but the next day they are very low. Just when they think they are getting over their grief, they are overcome by a deep sadness. Those who do not understand this process may be very disappointed by the setback, but it is important to realize that this is how the grieving process unfolds.
Grief processing will be most effective with help.
People often have unrealistic ideas about grief. Few people understand how the grieving process works and expect the bereaved to recover fairly quickly. People may seem indifferent, but in reality they often think that grief is so personal that it should not be discussed. Therefore, it is uncomfortable to be in the presence of the bereaved and after the funeral, the deceased is not even mentioned by name because people are afraid of saying something inappropriate. It is good to do so, but a bereaved person who finds such unrealistic expectations to be difficult to overcome. It is good to seek professional help or find people who share similar or the same experiences. It can be very helpful to talk to someone who fully understands.
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