Resources in grief

Grief takes time and can be very painful, but there are things that can help us feel better. We call them “resources” and they are of various kinds. Everyone needs to find their own way, because the same thing does not suit everyone. We are different, our losses and circumstances are different.

If you have a child/children that you don’t have the energy to take good care of, don’t be ashamed of it. Remember that children have a statutory right to support from the health care center (Act no. 50/2019). Get help so your child can receive this important support. It will help you too.

Here is advice submitted by people who are grieving.

1. Seeking help

· Communicate with other people, relatives, friends, co-workers and others in your inner circle.

· Talk about the deceased with a friend or a professional.

· Accept help, say “yes, thank you” to those who offer help.

· Read/listen/watch content about grief, grief reactions, trauma, suicide (if applicable) or about the resources of others

who have lost someone.

· Peer conversation, i.e. meeting others who have experienced the same kind of loss, e.g. a widow meets a widow.

· Finding a role model, i.e. people who have experienced trauma and gotten through it.

· Reminiscing about warm memories of the person who has passed away and exchanging stories with those closest to you.

· Exercising faith in a higher power, afterlife, or anything else that strengthens you.

· Participating in a peer support group at Sorgarmiðstöð (loss of spouse, loss of child, loss to suicide, parental loss, etc.).

2. Self-care

· Good sleep/rest is vital. You may need the help of sleeping pills or sedatives for a while.

· Regular and good nutrition is essential. Get someone to bring you food.

· Utilizing nature and outdoor activities provides energy and releases tension. Walks are good, either alone or

with others in the lowlands and in the mountains.

· Be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to not be able to handle everything.

· Getting up, getting dressed, having something to do.

· Having a photograph of those we grieve where we can see it.

· Talking to the deceased loved one aloud or in your head.

· Write an obituary or letter to them and publish or keep it.

· Go to the grave/memorial site, tidy up the site and light a light or plant flowers.

· Being thankful for what you have, such as family, friends, health, memories.

· Going to different types of yoga, for example yoga nidra or trauma yoga.

· Going swimming, there is a sense of healing in water.

· Going for a massage, it releases tears/tension.

· Meditating and/or practicing mindfulness.

· Writing a diary. Get release by putting your feelings and emotional state into words.

· Allow yourself to cry. Crying relieves tension and you’ll feel better afterwards.

· “Turn on your grief”, choose a time and place that suits you. Listen to music, look at photos and

allow the grief to engulf you for a while.

· Do good, for example by supporting a good cause or helping others in the same situation.

3. Take a break from the grief, take your mind off it and do something completely different

· Participate in sports activities such as golf, running, cycling, hiking, bootcamp training.

· Watch TV/internet or listen to music.

· Use humor/watch something funny. Allow yourself to laugh. It releases tension and hormones.

· Maintaining a routine and having something to keep you occupied, such as caring for plants or pets.

· Find release through creativity, for example writing poetry, stories, knitting, painting, making music, playing, singing.

· Going to work when you are ready. It helps and then with a suitable employment ratio.

· Finding hobbies or projects that you like, such as photography, organize photos, papers, other.

· Planning holidays in advance: Have events scheduled such as going to the movies, for a car ride or to a dinner party.

· Setting yourself goals, big or small. Focus on getting through the grief.

· Stand by yourself and celebrate feelings such as anticipation.

· Planning something fun, such as a trip.

· Daring to start new relationships.